Thursday, July 06, 2006

When I grow up, I wanna be...?

Went to the briefing for the Commencement tmr, where I'm sposed to be ushering. So Mr Chui, Xm and I were there for the briefing. We went to this lecture-theater-looking hall, assigned for the BAcc students ceremony. After a short briefing, Xm went up the stage and stood in front of the mic.

When I asked him what he was doing, he said confidently, "To practise for my valedictory speech, of course!"

Woah, to think we just finish our first year of study in U. That means we still have 3 more years to go (2.5 years for him). Yet, he was already preparing to deliver the valedictory speech. We even joked about our plan for the future. So we were saying that in 3 yrs time, he'll be up on the stage delivering the speech; in 5/10 yrs' time, he'll be on the "hot seat" (ie. the prof's seat); and in 20 yrs' time to be opening/closing the ceremony (u shud haf attended the convocation '05 to understand the joke), and in 30+ yrs' time, he'll be the Prof Emeritus (the next Prof G, Lolx) Dude, can't believe he's planning to spend his entire life in tt Muggers' Uni. (mind you, he kept going up to 'practise' his speech)

When I kept laughing, he said nonchalantly, "Hey, it's good to dream what."

Frankly speaking, people like him amaze me. They know exactly what they wanna do with their lives. They have goals. They dare to dream. But me... Till now, i still don't have the fuzziest idea as to what I wanna do with my life. Ever since I was young, i'm clueless about my life.

Do you remember how often the adults would ask you when you were little what you wanna be when u grow up? The most popular answers would be doctor or pilot or astronaut or policeman. So when they asked me, I would answer, accompanied by my wide, toothless smile (i had too much candy), "Of course, a doctor!"

Truth be told, I had no interest in being a doctor, whatsoever. That was what everybody said. I just followed. Besides, I had no idea what I wanted to be. Then in Secondary school and Junior College, the teachers would ask us on the first day of school what was our expected grade for O and A levels, respectively. Usually I would pretend to be going to the restroom or to write the expected grade. And when the teacher came over, I'd just grinned and told him/her that it was a secret. Truth is, I didn't know what to expect of myself. So I've never set any goals for myself.

Of course I dare to dream also. Every single night, mind you :p.... But just as my dreams change every night , my life dreams keep changing too (and I don't usually bother working towards them). Depends on what was the most recent show i watched or book i read or even stories i heard. After watching Mightly Ducks, i thought being a hockey player would be great. Then I watch The School of Rock and thought that maybe being a drummer would be ├╝ber cool. But after reading this book abt a missionary's life, i thought that being a missionary would be the ultimate. Then I went to this Science lab and thought that being a scientist and inventing some really useful drugs would be better. *shrugs*

I really envy people who have goals in their lives or dreams that they're goin to achieve. I wish I had one too. One that I badly wanna achieve. One that I would strive towards, no matter what the price is. I hope God would show me...soon.

Btw, I'm currently reading this book titled "Rumi's Daughter". One of the characters, Ahmed, also felt that his life is meaningless and empty. One day, he heard the Maulana's (Muslim religious teacher) sermon. He felt that it was his calling. Since that day, he decided to live simply and in solitude, in the wild or mountains. Hmm, maybe I should do that - live life simply and be a hermit. Erm, the best place I can get in S'pore would either be Bukit Timah or Mt Faber. Ha, yeah right!

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